KILL - EverQuest - AngryWorm Awareness: In the News

AngryWorms in the News

This photo was taken just moments after an Angry Worm attack. A nearsighted, apparently color blind Worm sowed his oats with this 1978 Cadillac. Luckily, the owner, 35 year old Jesus Anthony Stamford, had stepped into the local Minimart monetarily and was not inside the vehicle when the attack occurred.

"God was with me that day. It was nothing short of a miracle." said an unnerved Stamford, "I'm sure glad I ran out of TP, or I would not have gotten out of the car and gone into the building. Usually I just sit in front of the minimart and watch the little girls get off the school bus."

The Worm that attacked this bus was obviously confused or just plain sick of the 'old fashioned way'. (Notice the damage is in the front) Paramedics work to resuscitate the driver, who was unable to escape the mating dance.

OK, so it's not a photo. This is an artist's majestic rendition of a male Angry Worm above his lair in Axe Glacier. (This picture was *NOT* altered in any way.)

Experts are calling this incident one of the most bizarre Worm attacks in history. At first glance this picture would appear to be a typical case of a love struck Worm and an obvious mistake. However, the passengers of this train were subjected to an unusually harsh version of the mating dance. The Worm apparently slapped the cars of the train around with its tail before sufficiently scorching it with it's fiery breath. Fifteen people were killed within the first two minutes.

"I rolled up my windows and prepared for the worst." said one passenger. "I thought I'd done my homework! But I never expected this! People died horribly right in front of me... I'm just glad I had my camera."

"Worms are very much like people emotionally," said Dr. John Fuch, Head of Research at the NAWMEL (National Angry Worm Mental Evaluation League) "They can have fetishes just like anyone else. In my opinion, it appears that the negative stimuli that was intentionally inflicted upon it's partner- in this case, the train- by the male's exhaling flames - elicited an overwhelming and abnormal degree of excitation."

When asked to clarify, Dr. Fuch simply stated, "He was into S&M."

Several people remain skeptic about Dr. Fuch's analysis. But if it proves to be true, we may be looking at some of the bes- er... worst DESTRuction in Worm history.

Hundreds of children were in tears today after witnessing a devastating Angry Worm attack that involved the famous 7-foot yellow bird from Sesame Street, Big Bird.

The sound of a cheerful song of "La La La" was cut short as an Angry Worm took out Mr. Hooper's store and initiated the mating dance with Big Bird. Onlookers watched helplessly as the estimated 45 foot long giant assaulted their beloved Bird. Bird's bright yellow plumage apparently confused the Worm into thinking it was a female of its own kind. After several unsuccessful attempts to mate with its significantly smaller partner, the Worm finally lost interest and left a mangled Big Bird, barely conscious and in shock, lying on the Street. As veterinarians arrived on the scene, Big Bird's cries of 'What was he trying to do Gordon?" were left unanswered by the stunned witnesses, and Bird was loaded into the ambulance.

Big Bird's closest companion, Mr. Snuffleupagus, expressed great regret for his friend over the harrowing incident. "if anyone touches you in a way you don't like, you should always tell a grown up right away!" He told reporters, "But if the whole town is watching already I guess there's really no point."

Surprisingly enough, Snuffleupagas was later spotted near the scene of the crime after painting himself a bright yellow. He denied any implications that he had been trying to attract the Angry Worm. "I'm not. In fact I'm not even Snuffleupagus. I'm only make believe."

AngryWorms in the News

[ Back to the Main Worm Page ]