The first Ghoul said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second Ghoul said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third and most Lawful Ghoul said, "I've got you both beat. You know how mom enjoys the Bible and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, the Ghouls mother sent out her letters of thanks.

She wrote to the first Ghoul, "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

She wrote to the second Ghoul, "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time,
so I never used the Mercedes.....and the driver is SO rude."

She wrote to the third and most Lawful Ghoul, "Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."

"What's up?" he axe.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the Banshee. He rushes downstairs to grab the
phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old Ghouling comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Lawful's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The Ghoul slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming banshee wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his Lawful brother Melvin, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

"You rotten bastard," says the blond Ghoul, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids."

"Since Valentine's day is for a Christian saint and we're unholy," he asks, "will Ghouls get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

He who is Lawful thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think other Ghouls would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," Little Lawful says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden," the Ghoul asks in shock.

"Well," Little Lawful says, "I thought that if a little American Ghoul could have enough err...love to...err.. give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other Ghouls saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't HATE anyone anymore."

If the Lawful Ghoul had a heart it would have melted and he looks at his young Ghoul with newfound HATE. "Young Ghoul, that's the most Sickening thing I've ever heard."

The Lawful Ghoul and a Presbyterian minister were seated next to each other on the plane. The plane was delayed at the start due to some technical problems. Just after taking off, the pilot offered his apologies to the passengers and announced that a round of free drinks would be served.

When the charming air-hostess came round with the trolley, the Lawful Ghoul ordered a short
beer with a brandy chaser for himself. The hostess then asked the minister whether he wanted anything.

He replied, "Oh no thank you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol".

The Lawful Ghoul promptly handed back his Short beer and brandy to the air-hostess and said, "Madam, I did not know there was a choice."

'And the opposite of depression?' asks the professor

'Elation.' knowingly says the ghoul

'And how about the opposite of woe?' smugly asks the professor

Without skipping a beat the Ghoul quickly replies 'I believe that would be giddy up.'

The minister, walking in the opposite direction,said to the Ghoul as he approached him, 'I see you have the staff of life in your hand, what do you have in the other?'

The Lawful Ghoul smiled and said 'a loaf of bread.'